k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
