i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Randomize
