found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize