I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
