Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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