see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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