found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
