I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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