I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
