this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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