Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
