Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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