I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
