Tell her she can't have a vagina
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
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Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
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We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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