You work out of a Hotel?
I want to make a zoo with you.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
