I'm going to rape someone's good day.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
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We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
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You pole danced in your parka.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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