TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
