I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
