I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You pole danced in your parka.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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