dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
