when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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