Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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