Yo dont text me then not text me
It's Friday. Sex?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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