my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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