I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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