A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
