This girl is more easily done than said...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
