I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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