billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
