I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
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My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
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