at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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