I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
