He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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