How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize