I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
