i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize