I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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