me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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