dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
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Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
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A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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