Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Be still, my beating vagina.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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