That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
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She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
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maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize