I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
