idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
