can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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