You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
