Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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