he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
