I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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