I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?