The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes