Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?