Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants