So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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