i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this