Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?

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(313): So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life? http://tfl.nu/8qm6

Replies (37) Good night (4926) Bad night (1211)
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(586): View more from Michigan

Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?

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(586): Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white? http://tfl.nu/dlzj

Replies (28) Good night (2725) Bad night (538)
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(515): View more from Iowa

John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.

(1-515): View more from Iowa

As in blowjob or cannibalism?

(515): View more from Iowa

I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.

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(515): John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance. (1-515): As in blowjob or cannibalism? (515): I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal. http://tfl.nu/r3de

Replies (71) Good night (4026) Bad night (1416)
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(206): View more from Washington

You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..

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(206): You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack.. http://tfl.nu/nf69

Replies (61) Good night (17719) Bad night (1070)
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(602): View more from Arizona

Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?

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(602): Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again? http://tfl.nu/01x5

Replies (5) Good night (3320) Bad night (1168)
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(214): View more from Texas

he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies

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(214): he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies http://tfl.nu/w2ol

Replies (4) Good night (3096) Bad night (694)
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(240): View more from Maryland

and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.

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(240): and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well. http://tfl.nu/nn8d

Replies (12) Good night (3030) Bad night (892)
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(912): View more from Georgia

There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.

(912): View more from Georgia

Do you need my fax number or something?

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(912): There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow. (912): Do you need my fax number or something? http://tfl.nu/ynqo

Replies (18) Good night (1510) Bad night (1155)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.

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(412): He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up. http://tfl.nu/78zr

Replies (8) Good night (398) Bad night (1598)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."

(301): View more from Maryland

That wasn't a compliment.

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(202): She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal." (301): That wasn't a compliment. http://tfl.nu/gg7a

Replies (14) Good night (597) Bad night (2085)
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(815): View more from Illinois

after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.

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(815): after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even. http://tfl.nu/ebz9

Replies (9) Good night (1283) Bad night (353)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.

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(202): She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family. http://tfl.nu/nmso

Replies (4) Good night (811) Bad night (492)
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(847): View more from Illinois

Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.

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(847): Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party. http://tfl.nu/n2f5

Replies (6) Good night (357) Bad night (829)
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(847): View more from Illinois

Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll

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(847): Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll http://tfl.nu/osu5

Replies (0) Good night (193) Bad night (380)
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(216): View more from Ohio

then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value

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(216): then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value http://tfl.nu/klpa

Replies (3) Good night (766) Bad night (195)

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