Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  $4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.

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  (415): $4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date. http://tfl.nu/jzc8
  Replies (9) Good night (632) Bad night (1139)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support

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  (313): I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support http://tfl.nu/by3u
  Replies (70) Good night (1409) Bad night (884)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...

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  (330): How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there... http://tfl.nu/bdjq
  Replies (30) Good night (795) Bad night (2297)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.

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  (419): i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it. http://tfl.nu/1l7g
  Replies (16) Good night (3465) Bad night (643)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..

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  (206): You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack.. http://tfl.nu/nf69
  Replies (61) Good night (18102) Bad night (1346)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"

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  (410): You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock" http://tfl.nu/flxw
  Replies (6) Good night (2935) Bad night (994)
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.

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  (361): After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge. http://tfl.nu/26oy
  Replies (14) Good night (5175) Bad night (1455)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Make me a sandwich

  (301): View more from Maryland

  The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.

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  (845): Make me a sandwich (301): The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich. http://tfl.nu/al2a
  Replies (28) Good night (6289) Bad night (981)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.

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  (816): We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have. http://tfl.nu/xov4
  Replies (9) Good night (1957) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.

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  (208): Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult. http://tfl.nu/xgis
  Replies (2) Good night (592) Bad night (839)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Why do you need me to cover for work?

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.

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  (715): Why do you need me to cover for work? (608): I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen. http://tfl.nu/izqg
  Replies (8) Good night (1231) Bad night (789)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...

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  (330): I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay... http://tfl.nu/3ns8
  Replies (9) Good night (478) Bad night (1101)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.

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  (850): Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one. http://tfl.nu/2j08
  Replies (3) Good night (871) Bad night (319)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?

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  (320): How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash? http://tfl.nu/c8co
  Replies (13) Good night (782) Bad night (377)
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.

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  (506): Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals. http://tfl.nu/0nga
  Replies (2) Good night (861) Bad night (373)

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