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Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
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