i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
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i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize