I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
