How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
