You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize