Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
