The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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