Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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