You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
