I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.