why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?