Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.