I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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