Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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